Abstract
FGM refers to Female Genital Mutilation, a procedure considered tradition in over twenty-five countries. The procedure is generally unsanitary, and painful, and depending on the situation involves partial or total removal of the external female genitalia to the female genital organs. Many of the women are forced to undergo this procedure, restrained by family members while a stranger cuts them. Although the procedure is done to bring respect and pureness to a woman, it often results in physical, medical, and psychological trauma. Its traumatic effects are compared with those who experience child abuse, and causes extensive long-term damage. Although awareness of this horrific procedure is bringing change to some areas, women around the world continue to suffer.
Works Cited
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Khartoum, ¨Sudan: Living with the Trauma of FGM¨ IRIN Humanitarian News and
Analysis.2 5 May 2005. Web. 3 April 2012. ¨http://www.irinnews.org/Report/54623/SUDAN-Living-with-the-trauma-of-FGM¨
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Nnamuchi, Obiajulu. "Circumcision" Or "Multilation"? Voluntary Or Forced Excision?¨
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¨http://www.fgmnationalgroup.org/psychological_aspects.htm¨
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Denisse,
ReplyDeleteI think you are off to a great start. You're abstract matches the sources you have picked perfectly. I think most people would be interested in reading a paper about FGM. I am not sure if you are planning on doing this, but I would go into detail about what occurrs during FGM. I think this maybe too graphic, but I think it would be effective at getting the audience on board with why FGM must come to a complete stop. You're evidence is very relative, and I like that you have a variety of sources to work with. Your abstract gives a great picture of what happens. I am looking forward to seeing your draft!
Anna Steele
This looks really solid
ReplyDeleteYou have a pretty good write-up of what FGM is about, but I'm not sure what your thesis is. Are you planning on answering a question more specific than "What is FGM," for example, "Does socioeconomic status affect the likelihood that a woman will be victim of FGM?" Then your thesis could tell us "Wealthier women were less likely to be victims of FGM" or whatever the case is.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Wow! Your topic is very interesting. You did a great job already of explaining a lot. Is your paper going to be describing FGM or are you going to be answering a specific question. Great write-up!
ReplyDelete•Is the abstract focused on a central idea?
ReplyDeleteYes. However, the purpose of the abstract is not clear. I’m not sure if the goal is solely to share information about FGM or is it rise to action. How does this topic tie into our class readings and discussions?
•What is the central idea of the proposed paper?
The central idea seems to be that FGM is a cultural practice on women that causes many types of harm.
•Is this idea engaging?
Yes. I think this is a very interesting topic and it would be interesting to learn more about it.
•Who are the writer’s intended readers? What does the writer assume the audience knows and believes?
There doesn’t seem to be a specific target of readers, so a general audience. It’s assumed that the reader has a little prior knowledge of FGM and what cultures participate in it.
•What evidence will the writer include to support his or her thesis?
The writer has included various academic articles to support their thesis.
•Is this evidence sufficient, credible, and relevant to the topic?
The evidence seems to compliment and support the thesis. It seems to support the idea that FGM is a negative practice.
•Do you notice any logical fallacies or assumptions that will hinder the writer from writing a clear, strong, well-researched paper?
The only thing missing is information about the specific cultures who participate in the abstract and what the intention of the abstract is.
•What does the writer do especially well in the abstract?
The abstract seems very well researched, well written, and provides sufficient knowledge of the topic.
•What one or two things would most improve to help the writer improve his or her first draft?
A clearer goal of what the purpose of the abstract/paper is and it’s relation to our class readings/discussions.